Living Intentionally

I have recently decided that this is a good phrase to describe the way I would like to live. As a spouse, parent, family member, teacher, and part of my church congregation, I have decided that life goes by too fast to live without a plan. I'm not talking about a schedule- I think we have too many of those already. I mean a plan. An intention. This can apply to all areas: parenting, food choices, TV viewing... the list goes on and on. Living with intention means that in all areas of life we act instead of REact. Today, specifically, I am reflecting on parenting intentionally.

I would say most parents love their children. Most parents believe that they are parenting or disciplining or providing for their child the best way they know how. And they probably are. Anyone who comes from a family that truly loves them should be grateful for that blessing. However, as a parent, it is very easy to parent through our reactions instead of our actions. And what is so tricky about this is that we can't just consider "parenting" the direct interaction we have with our children. We may have the most effective, sensitive parenting techniques up our sleeve that we could write a book. It is easy to be intentional in situations for which you have a plan. Little Johnny wants Suzie's book. He yells and screams. You get down on Johnny's level, look him in the eye and say, "I understand that you want to play with the book. Suzie is playing with it now. You need to use your words and tell her "me next". Johnny tells Suzie, "me next" and you tell Suzie that she has two more minutes to look at the book and then it is Johnny's turn. Good for you. Now how did you react when you were behind the red light at Wal-Mart today? Did you wait your turn patiently? Did you smile and say, "It will be my turn to go soon, so for now I will be happy sitting here looking at the flowers planted in the median." Guess who was in the back seat watching your reaction to that red light. Johnny and Suzie. You have to live your life intentionally every minute.

This was all prompted by an event today that was a possible learning event for my children. We went to lunch with Daddy at Chick-Fil-A (since he is still working on Saturdays), and upon arriving home, I realized I had left my pocket book at the restaurant. This was bad for many reasons. I didn't have my keys. I didn't have my cell phone. Our neighbor wasn't home, so I wasn't able to use her phone to call Brad or Chick-Fil-A. I was going to have to drive back to the greenhouse to work this all out, and we were already LATE FOR NAP. That's a biggie around here. Nap time is crucial, but especially on days like today when we have a church event in the evening and we can't afford for the children to be tired and grouchy. There was also the consideration that once I was able to get house keys from Brad, I would have to make the decision to go pick up the pocket book now (further ruining nap time) or go pick it up later (furthering the chance that someone was copying down my credit card number and 3 digit code on the back). I also still had food to prepare for the church supper tonight, a grocery list to be compiled, laundry to be folded, and a dishwasher to unload/load- all waiting to be done during those precious moments of the aforementioned nap. At this point of realization I could have very well have been tense, grouchy, stressed- all sorts of things. I could have been very upset with myself for leaving the pocket book and being so "irresponsible". Better yet, I could have pulled the pregnant wife card and tried to find some way to make this Brad's fault for not seeing the purse or reminding me to get it when we left. Those would have been some great natural reactions. However, I had two little people boring holes in my back with their sleepy eyes, waiting to see why we were not getting out of the car. I had to live intentionally. I used my most pleasant voice and told them that we were going to have to drive back to the greenhouse and get a key from Daddy because I had left my pocket book at Chick-Fil-A. Sometimes we forget things. I told them I knew they were tired, but that we would have a nap soon. I chose to use positive words, a positive tone of voice, and positive body language. I didn't smack the steering wheel in frustration, say Arrgh, or verbalize any worse case scenarios to myself. Because, truth be told, at that point I didn't know if my purse was still there or if it was already dumped out and thrown in a ditch, but either way, I didn't have any control over the situation. None what so ever. The only thing I did have control over was how I reacted to the situation. Even if you don't say a word, children can feel stress and negativity.

To shorten this already long story, it turned out that some honest soul had put my purse behind the counter and I was able to retrieve it. When I arrived at the greenhouse to get my house key and call Chick-Fil-A, Brad's mom offered to go ahead and take the children back to the house to put them down for their nap while I went straight to the restaurant. They were a little late getting down, but not within disaster range. My next step in this learning situation is to address the issue again with them when they get up from their nap and see that I have my pocket book back. I am going to tell them that there are important things inside my purse that I didn't want to lose. I am going to tell them that God made sure a nice person found it for me and kept it safe until I was able to come and get it again. I am going to tell them that I am thankful and that we should tell God "thank you" for helping us today.

On a side note, I would recommend the book How to Really Love Your Child by Ross Campbell M. D. If you are familiar with the love languages books, you should recognize the name. It is an excellent, excellent book for any parent and is a very quick read. He doesn't use the term "living intentionally", but I think his views on parenting imply that philosophy. Anyway- got to run. I still have to do all that stuff around the house that I mentioned before....